S is 31 years old now and in September 2014, she moved out into a home of her own. She did not move out into a typical home for her age but instead she moved into a group home with 11 other people with intellectual disabilities. It was not our dream for S to move into a large group home especially since there are so many other alternatives, now. But we all got to the point of realizing that S needed friends her own age, more social opportunities, and a life of her own. Of all the houses we visited for about 9 years, this is the home she chose.
After a period of tears and trauma when she first moved out, we have all settled down into a layered life of greater fulfillment. S has good friends who she talks about and who really seem to like her. She goes shopping for her own groceries, goes to parties and dances, decides how she wants her hair and nails done, and goes to church. These might sound like little things but she didn't have these opportunities with us. We gave her as good of a life as we could, but it wasn't her life. We didn't go to church, so she didn't. Now she has found out on her own that this is important to her.
With us, she did what we did. Now, she does what she wants.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Abuse of the Disabled
Today in the local newspaper there was an article about how many people with intellectual disabilities were abused by their paid caregivers in the past year in New York state. There were 571 confirmed cases of abuse or neglect this year. That is a relatively small number, unless you are the one being abused, of course. There were many more allegations of abuse but there was not enough evidence to prove them.
I have found that there is abuse occurring but it is so hard to prove it. The individual with the intellectual disability is often not considered a reliable source of information. The staff members lie and there are no witnesses. Two staff members differ in their reports and so the allegation is unsubstantiated, yet may have occurred.
Some examples of abuse are: yelling at them, belittling them, stealing their money, punishing them, teasing them, punching or hitting them, not keeping them safe with proper supervision, not changing their soiled clothes or bedding, keeping them in a secluded area, and the list goes on and can be quite disturbing.
It is tragic that the people paid to care for others are abusive to people who cannot defend themselves, mentally or physically. We are in fact, paid to protect them. It has been my experience that we don't hire evil people but that good people get affected by the system they work in and often don't even realize they are being abusive in their frustration. That's not an excuse for bad behavior; just an observation. And I don't have any answers.
I have found that there is abuse occurring but it is so hard to prove it. The individual with the intellectual disability is often not considered a reliable source of information. The staff members lie and there are no witnesses. Two staff members differ in their reports and so the allegation is unsubstantiated, yet may have occurred.
Some examples of abuse are: yelling at them, belittling them, stealing their money, punishing them, teasing them, punching or hitting them, not keeping them safe with proper supervision, not changing their soiled clothes or bedding, keeping them in a secluded area, and the list goes on and can be quite disturbing.
It is tragic that the people paid to care for others are abusive to people who cannot defend themselves, mentally or physically. We are in fact, paid to protect them. It has been my experience that we don't hire evil people but that good people get affected by the system they work in and often don't even realize they are being abusive in their frustration. That's not an excuse for bad behavior; just an observation. And I don't have any answers.
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