Owning Another Person

The other day I heard someone talking about the people with intellectual disabilities he works with. In love and admiration, with no intention except one of caring and compassion, he said things like, "my guys", "my fellas", and "our people", or "our population." It makes it sound like he owns the individuals even though I'm sure he just meant that they are the people he specifically works with and cares about.

On shifts when I am working, I often hear statements by staff such as: "I've got Thelma tonight," or,  "Who's got Louise?" Worse, "Who's watching Brad?", "I'm on Jen", or "I've got Angelina-watch tonight." These statements make it sound like people are objects.

Along the same lines, some staff get possessive of the individuals, especially if they are given the role of advocate. The staff might get offended if other staff take the individual they are assigned to be advocate for out to dinner, help them to get their haircut, or help them to purchase clothes. Staff also possess the individuals by clinging to their accomplishments and failures. If the individuals don't reach their goal or successfully complete their task, staff think it is their fault -  that they didn't motivate them enough. Conversely, I often hear staff say, "I got them to take out the trash this morning." It's not about us. The success and setbacks belong to that person, not staff.

Things like that grate on me a bit. Although no harm is meant, staff are not considering the underlying message of what they say and do. This is just about awareness and we are all at different places with this.  I suppose we have to have more discussion on these things. And I continue to remember to check myself because I make mistakes like this all the time, too. These errors that many of us make betray our unconscious attitudes toward the individuals with cognitive impairments. We still think of them as incapable, helpless, unequal.

In the meantime, what might be better to say is: The people I work with. The men I work with. I'm supporting Thelma tonight. Who will be supporting Louise tonight? I'm going to be working with Jen today. Brad took the trash out this morning.

Language and actions matter.  We should certainly not use terms or behave in ways that denote possession of another or that signify attitudes of incapability.