What If Society Changed Instead?

We staff and other helpers are in the business of getting people with developmental disabilities to change. We do this by teaching social norms. We teach individuals how not to approach or talk to strangers. We teach them not to talk to themselves aloud when they are in public places. We teach them to be less affectionate or at least to display socially-acceptable affection. We also teach them who they can be affectionate with. We teach them to make eye contact with us even though this overwhelms many of them - especially autistic people.

We offer help/guidance/suggestions when it wasn't asked for. I often wonder if it makes them feel badly for their natural instincts of friendliness toward fellow humans. Do we squash it out of them?

So my question is...what if society changed instead of them? What if they could trust strangers enough that they could approach anyone and strike up a conversation with them? What if they could hug everyone they meet, as some of them are inclined? What if we just accepted that some people talk to themselves out loud for whatever the reason and we wouldn't have to think they were abnormal?

All of this would require a re-imagining of society. What would the world look like if we were the trainees and individuals with cognitive disabilities were the trainers? We'd all learn social skills of how to be friendlier and not so reserved. We'd all get up and dance at every dance. They would teach us how to hug in greeting and they would let us know we were doing a good job if we learned that skill.

I learn something from the people I work with everyday. They greet others better and they strike up conversations easier than I do. I have learned to make intimate connections better because of their influence. I have learned to be kinder. They love me and I have learned to love better because of it. Sadly, I have to teach them not to sing and dance with me, not to tell me they love me, not to hold my hand or give me too many hugs (and only from the side), not to touch my arm or shoulder. I think they've got the right idea with their expressions of affection and I feel a bit remorseful when I have to teach against their impulses. And the only reason I am teaching this is because the reserved stance is our social norm.

At this point, I am not saying we need to stop teaching.  By teaching what is expected of adults in our society, I am showing them the dignity that I recognize they are not children, anymore. By teaching them that the world is not safe and they can't just touch others or talk to strangers, I am setting them up for success and acceptance in today's society. All I am asking is that we just imagine what the world would look like if we were even a little more forthcoming with our affectionate regard toward others.