Be Cool

What should you do if someone is emotionally out of control?

I regularly read a blog called Ido in Autismland. He's an articulate kid who lets the reader into his autistic world. He recently wrote of his experiences with teachers and others who try to help him during tough, emotional moments.

What it amounts to is you have to stay calm. If he or others are having what my autistic daughter fondly calls 'a meltdown,' you have to remain calm, not overreact, not scold, so that they can find their balance again. People are calmest when those around them are calm. If you show fear or anger or take an authoritarian approach, they are keenly tuned in to it, and they may experience fear and escalate. Ido says that this is part of his neurological make-up having to do with sensory overload and he just doesn't have it under control yet.  He says it is most helpful to be taken to a quiet place where he can regain control. And he reminds us all to not be afraid if we see an autistic person having a meltdown. They do not want to hurt anyone. 

I have seen many emotional outbursts over the years. Many call them 'temper tantrums' and think that people are engaged in them to get something they want. In the vast majority of cases, that's not it at all. They really are overwhelmed and truly are out of control. It is not purposeful, but instead, it is an involuntary reaction to what is going on around them. 

If you want to help them, take a deep breath and calm your own emotional reaction, first. Then ask them how you can help them. If they can't answer and seem stuck, ask if you can bring them to somewhere with less stimulation - that quieter place that Ido talks about. Do this with compassion, not with a mind toward justice or punishment because someone is behaving badly. From my experience, they are already embarrassed as it is, and compassion and empathy are better approaches than chiding.

All humans have emotional issues at some point. It's a part of being human. Want to support your fellow human? Just be cool.