Kid Stuff

Tom Pomerantz came back to provide more training in our agency. This time about the importance of helping adults with intellectual disabilities reach adult status. As a society, we still tend to think of adults with cognitive impairment as being child-like or having a mental age similar to that of children. He says this is absolutely untrue, and I see the evidence in my daily work that he is right.

As I listened to Dr. Pomerantz speak, I realized that I do a pretty good job of treating the adults I work with like adults. I thought of how far I have come over the many years of working with people with developmental disabilities. I used to call them 'honey', use nicknames they didn't ask for, talk in a sing-songy tone, buy them stuffed animals, color with them, do too much for them even though they were completely capable, and so much more. If a mistake could be made, I made it. But I'm doing great, now. I am conscious of engaging in adult interactions with the adults I support. I still do make mistakes, but less often. And the individuals benefit in that they are proud to be treated as adults, proud to have adult expectations, proud  to have competence now that they are given the chance to be competent, and more highly respected by members of their community.

I am embarrassed to say there is one glaring exception to my successfully treating adults with intellectual disabilities as adults. I was incredibly aghast when I realized in the training session that I still treat my own 29-year-old daughter as if she were a child. I have all sorts of excuses and I am actually doing much better than I used to. She has corrected me on some of these so that I have learned over the years how she wants to be treated. If any of us use endearments or nicknames toward her, she lets us have it. Just recently, she was intermittently snapping at me for over an hour because I called her "dear."

She is reaching adult status despite me, though. She has made decisions on her own to trade in her Mickey Mouse stuffed character collection for Coca Cola memorabilia. She is selecting less cartoon t-shirts and going for sports teams, now. She has stopped coloring on her own and now prefers to draw and write. She's growing up, just slowly. I just have to get out of her way. She wanted a Toy Story bedroom set last year when I told her she could pick out what she wanted. So there it sits on her bed. I should have told her that adults select other things for their bedrooms. I will start to do that, now. I also told her she could get whatever Buffalo Bills collectible she wanted a few weeks ago. She picked out a stuffed bear and I let her. I should have told her adults would generally select something else. The day after the Pomerantz training, we went shopping together to trade in her Batman backpack and Superheros lunch bag for a more adult version. She selected solid blue adult versions for both and didn't mind at all. I used to think I would hurt her feelings or lower her self esteem if I corrected her choices. I am confident I can find a way to let her become an adult without making her feel bad about herself.

I don't even want to admit how many times I put her shoes on for her so that I can adjust her socks just right or how many times I load her toothbrush with toothpaste. Now that I am aware, I'll do better. As I sat beside her writing this, she asked me to get her a spoon. Before hopping up to get it, I stopped and told her adults usually get up and get their own things. She said, "Oh, ok." and got the spoon.