You Don't Need to Feel Sorry For Them

I was raised to feel sorry for people with intellectual disabilities. It's not my parents who instilled this in me but society. Even as we grow as a society and individuals are treated with more respect than ever before, I still see much evidence that people with disabilities garner our pity today.

We don't have to feel sorry for them. I have known hundreds of people with developmental disabilities. No matter what they have experienced in their lives, I haven't heard any of them express any sentiment that they wish they were someone else or wished they didn't have a disability. As part of our identities, we usually accept ourselves for who we are and don't want to be anyone else.  So do people with disabilities. People with autism who write to tell of their experiences take great offense at the 'neurotypicals' who want to cure or prevent autism. They feel this invalidates who they truly are. They have no desire to be different, cured, or someone else.

Back to pity. A while back, I saw a staffer call one of the older individuals, "Honey." He patted her on the head and in a sing-songy tone said he would help her with her bag when she didn't ask for help. He had noticed she was having a hard time with finding what she was looking for. Later, I asked him why he called her honey and why he helped her when she could do it herself. He told me that he just calls everyone honey and that he didn't want her to struggle and get frustrated. I told him there is dignity in having the opportunity to do things on your own and that she didn't look frustrated. He said he felt sorry for her.

I think one of the reasons we feel sorry for people with intellectual disabilities (other than the fact that they are made fun of on a regular basis in movies and by unenlightened people), is that we would not want to be in their shoes. And one major reason we don't want to be them is because of how we treat them.

A good remedy for pity would be better treatment.