Age-Appropriate?

While we are supporting individuals with intellectual disabilities to live their lives, we make a conscious effort to direct them toward items and activities meant for adults. We try to keep the coloring books, stuffed animals, cartoons, toys, and childish room decor to a minimum. We discourage them from having anything that could be interpreted as child-like in the community. This is very important in that we hope to increase their status in their own communities. We don't want others to think that they are eternal children. This demeans them and is called infantilization. This attitude holds them back from growing.

My daughter, S, packed her items to go to respite yesterday. For those who don't know what respite is, it is a small group home setting that is run kind of like a hotel. With my help, S makes reservations and stays as a guest overnight on occasion. This gives me a break from her and she gets a break from me. I'm sure she needs the break from me, more. Anyway, S packed her stuffed dinosaur that she got for Christmas from a relative. She's 29 years old but she takes that dinosaur everywhere with her. She is on the autism spectrum and always takes some loved object with her as a transition item. This dinosaur is definitely meant for kids. So do I take it from her?

I think there is a balance to be struck. I think we need to be very careful how we make others feel about their choices. How do adults with disabilities feel when we tell them the choices they are making for themselves are not appropriate for adults? What if we tell them frequently? If I had everyone around me giving me unsolicited constructive criticism about my preferences on a regular basis, I imagine I'd start to feel pretty bad about myself. Perhaps I'd withdraw from others or get depressed.

Here's what I do with S and in my work with adults...I let them make their choices and I don't try to influence them. But I don't ever automatically offer or purchase or do an activity that is only meant for kids. So instead of a coloring book, I'll buy art supplies. If I go out with someone to buy a new bedspread, I show them the adult options. If I were to bring them to the children's dept., they'd buy one designed specifically for children because that's what was offered. If they found the children's section independently and made a choice to buy a stuffed animal with their own money, so be it. The only thing I do at the point is let them know that adults leave their various toys at home or in the car when they go out. So S leaves her dinosaur in the car.

And as always, I remain open to what people with intellectual disabilities can teach me. On this topic, I think that I could be a little more playful and have more fun.

"It is exquisitely human to play; we relish and require it to feel whole. It is our refuge from ordinary life."  - Diane Ackerman