Are Your Pants on Fire?

Last week, I  heard about three instances of people lying to staff. I'm sure there were many more, though. In one instance, the person said they didn't get their morning coffee when they already had. In another instance, another individual said they had completed their chores yet hadn't. And the third instance involved someone saying they didn't get to go shopping when they had gone earlier that day. The staff in each of the cases took it as an affront against them that someone would lie to them.

The first thing in my mind always when the individuals fib, is to inwardly cheer them on for their clever, non-intrusive effort to get what they want or need.

The next thing is to think about whether I would lie in the same situation. Sure I would. If I want a second cup of coffee or want to get out of my chores for the day and no one is listening to my respectful request, I'd have to think about my next step. I could yell, I could stomp, I could cry, or I could lie.

The third thing I'd be thinking is how many times do I lie in a day and get away with it. I assure you it is a lot. We all lie, everyday. Most of our lies are probably those of omission. Those lies where we just don't say anything when we should. Many of our lies are an effort to be polite. If someone comes to you with a new hairstyle and asks for your opinion, even if you don't like it, you might say you do. And other lies include trying to cover up for a mistake that you have made. In some cases, if you honestly admit you made the mistake, you get in more trouble than if you make an attempt to lie about it. I'd rather have a society that rewards honesty but that is not how the world works.

So, back to the individuals with intellectual disabilities who lie. It has been my experience that the people we support lie far less than the person with typical intellectual abilities. They are basically honest and it is refreshing. They will tell you that your shoes don't match your clothes. And they have a way of doing it that doesn't feel like it is being disrespectful. It's just their observation with no judgment intended.

Try not to worry about people with intellectual disabilities lying to you. It is just an effort to get what they need in a world where they can't get what they need by themselves. You would do the same thing if you were in their position.