Don't Give Up

Last night our family went to our grandson's talent show. He's six and it was too adorable to see a class of six-year-olds singing, dancing, and doing karate demonstrations. Usually for these events, I try to set S up with someone to stay with because she doesn't like crowded or loud events. I thought she might really enjoy this show so I didn't set up an alternative for her. When I picked her up from her after-work care, she realized we weren't going home, as is our usual routine. She likes everything to be the same each day, which is common for people on the autism spectrum. She quietly told me that she wanted to go home. I explained that we were going to the show, then home. When we arrived, she found a seat in the school cafeteria away from everyone else. Probably so she could make a clean get-away if she needed, having done that many times before. She appeared worried but was managing her emotions well.

The show started and the cafeteria got a little louder. There was music and clapping and I caught S watching and smiling. She got very excited over some of the songs she recognized and over the karate demonstrations. For the first time I can remember, we all got to stay for an entire event. The best part (other than the obvious enjoyment of watching my grandson make a volcano erupt with baking soda), was that on the way home, S said out-of-the-blue that she liked watching the kids sing.


I know S would really enjoy going to plays, musicals, ice shows, and movies but her inability to adjust to loud environments means that she misses out on events that often make life worth living. As an aside, it also means I miss out on these things, too. Her preference is to spend her leisure time in her bedroom watching television, playing a movie, playing a computer game, and watching YouTube videos of amusement park rides all at the same time. If I just gave up in helping to introduce her to other things she might like out in the world, she would spend all of the rest of her life in her bedroom.

Even though it takes a long time and has the risk of set-backs, it seems worth it to keep trying.

There are many people I work with who have plans cautioning over what events to not take them to because of their inability to manage their emotions and response to over-stimulation in these settings. These are good cautions but I say we should not give up if we think they might enjoy them. Introduce them in small doses in ways they feel safe. Do this repeatedly so they can get used to the events.  If you are sure they just don't prefer the event, certainly don't take them. (You could take me over and over to circuses or monster truck rallies and I might get used to them but would never prefer them).

S loves the story of Peter Pan. She owns every version of the play and films and has several books on Peter Pan. I can't wait to have more events to bring her to so that she can learn to adjust to them with the ultimate goal to someday take her to the Broadway version of Peter Pan.