Perfect Encounter

It was my daughter S's birthday yesterday. Now she is 29. Each year on her birthday, she gets to take the day off from work and decide what she wants to do every minute. I end up being her driver and chaperone and try not to interfere with her choices that day. Usually, her choices involve a lot of junk food, but oh well, it's one day.

In between the butterfly museum and lunch with two of her favorite people, I had to get gas for the car. S wanted to stop in a buy a soda. I discouraged her reminding her that we would be having lunch in a few minutes and she could get her soda there. Then I went out to pump the gas. I realized my mistake and popped my head back in the car, telling her that I was sorry and wrong, that of course she could get her soda because it was her birthday and she gets to do whatever she wants.

That's when the perfect encounter occurred.

S went into the store with her money and I stood in the background just in case she needed me. She found the soda she wanted, grabbed it out of the cooler, and went into the cashier's line on her own. She waited patiently for the couple of people ahead of her who were taking a long time. She paced a little outside the normally socially-acceptable boundaries of a line, but no one seemed to mind or even notice.

Then it was S's turn to pay for her soda. The cashier just glanced quickly to see if someone was with S then finding no one, happily addressed her. The cashier treated S just like any other customer, telling her how much the soda was, taking her money, giving her change, and saying thank you to her.

And that's as it should be. It was just a simple, quick moment in two lives but a lot occurred in that moment. A member of the community got the opportunity to interact with someone with an intellectual disability. A person with a disability got to use her capabilities on her own and feel the pride that occurs when she gets to do it for herself.  And she got to interact on her own with someone without a disability rather than standing on the sidelines waiting for others to interact without her.  I could tell that both the cashier and S enjoyed the moment, which lasted 40 seconds, tops.

Usually what happens is that the support staff or family member unwittingly take that moment away from people by standing too unnecessarily close. If the individual with the intellectual disability has learned and practiced the interaction, let them do it on their own. Let them establish their own place in the world, even if on a small level. Step back as far as you are able. Always.