Never Say Need

I have often heard the words, "You need to ________." These words are used to help motivate someone to get something accomplished. For example, a staffer might be trying to help someone get ready for work and they tell them, "You need to pick something light to wear because it will be hot out today." Another example: "You need to take your plate to the sink."

This is a hard habit to break. But you only have to try to think about how you feel when someone uses that word with you to see how important it is not to use it. If my partner were to say to me, "You need to go shopping for groceries," I would immediately be put on the defensive. I would want to do the opposite of what he was demanding. Even if you put the word, "please" after it, it still sounds like a demand.

If you use the word 'need' while supporting someone with an intellectual disability, you set up a relationship of inequality. It puts the staff in a position of power over the individual, which is not acceptable. The individual should have power over their own life. Staff are only present to support as needed, not take over.

Using the word 'need' could also be misconstrued in a literal way. So, if you tell someone, "You need to comb your hair," they may literally think, "I don't need to do anything." And they are right. In your effort to be motivating, though, you had the opposite effect.

There are many ways to motivate someone to do something. Even if it is really essential that they accomplish a task and in your eyes they 'need' to do it, find creative ways to ask. Be polite. Have fun creating positive ways to motivate. And always be working toward them having complete power over their own life. No one should ever automatically feel that someone else is in control of their life.